Hide
by magelie
Summary: After SS Arc Renji made a request. Rukia made a decision. Somehow the memories you try the hardest to force down, are ones you remember the most. Subtle IchiRuki RenRuki
1. Ask

**First Bleach fanfic, feedback would be very much appreciated. Spoilers for whole of SS Arc. **

**Summary: Renji made a request. Rukia made a decision. Somehow the memories you try the hardest to force down, are ones you remember the most.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.**

-------

_He found her exactly where he thought he would. _

_He didn't have to look to know that she was standing on the edge of the cliff, her face facing the center of Soul Society, the wind fluttering through her black hair and white clothes._

_He stood behind her, studying the way her hair stuck up at the ends, the way one hand never lingered far from her neck, the way she looked so fragile and delicate in her white robes. _

_Déjà vu rushed through him as he realized the silence that settled over them was the same as all those years ago. It was the silence before she spoke, the grim silence before she confirmed something both of them knew._

"_Na Renji," the wind filtered through her words and delivered it to him in delicate wisps. _

_He grunted in reply, hating how weak and pained she sounded. _

"_What should I do?"_

-------

He found her on the bridge of the White Tower, eyes turned to the setting sun in the distance. The dying sun twisted her shadow until it didn't even vaguely resemble her.

Renji was surprised she would come back here; surprised she was strong enough to face the memories of the days before her death row, memories that lingered like the red mark around her neck.

But she always surprises him and so he's not really surprised to find her here.

His mind faintly registered with amusement that that did not make the least bit of sense. But when it came to her, things rarely made sense.

Rukia barely acknowledges him as he leans onto the railings, his eyes also following the redness seeping into the clouds. There was a pregnant pause before he drew a breath and turned to break the silence.

"So…what 'cha ya gona to do now?" His voice came out somewhat forced and strangled.

Even in the dying light he could see the shifting of emotions through her face, human emotions, emotions she hadn't shown in years. Then it all settled to form a mask of indifference, a mask all shinigamis wore, yet a mask that never looked right on her.

"Ukitake-taichou said my spiritual power should recover soon," she breathed in deeply, "so I should be starting my shinigami duties again."

Renji didn't know whether to feel glad or anxious, "So you're be…patrolling your area again?"

There was a faint crack in her mask, "No. I requested to be assigned a new area." Was that a tremor in her voice?

Renji nodded quietly, he forced his face into a neutral expression before he leaned back onto his feet and turned to his childhood friend.

"I…" he faltered, then frowned, "…take care of yourself, Rukia." He patted her on the shoulder reassuringly yet he didn't know if he was reassuring her or himself.

Then he was gone.

Rukia let her mask drop and stared at the almost vanquished sun.

Her black figure was completely still, and her shadows thrashed by her feet.

-------

Renji walked along the corridors of the Sixth Squad Station, his face set into a scowl. The scowl would have almost looked normal on his face if not for the way his eyes glazed over in thought.

When the heck did Rukia changed so much? Was it during those few worthless months in the human world, or was it from the day she was adopted into the Kuchiki family? Where the hell was he when it happened? Why wasn't he there with her, helping her like a good friend should? And when the heck did life get so freakin' complicated?

Renji asked himself over and over again as the tapping of his feet echoed against the tiles. Each question let to the next and soon there where thousands of questions throbbing in his head, as countless as Byakuya's scattered blades, each of them equally baffling.

The only conclusion he could draw was that it was that kid's fault. Damn him for stealing Rukia's powers, damn him being so stubborn, damn him for changing her so much and damn that stupid, ignorant, cocky kid. Damn, damn, damn, damn, da-

"How is she?"

Renji reeled out of his thought train.

"She's…" he hesitated, not sure what to say.

"Upset." the person finished.

"No, she's…" Renji looked away. "She's…fine," there was a pause, "…taichou."

"I see."

Renji blinked. Byakuya glared.

Renji blinked again and Byakuya still glared. He sighed and wondered what the hell he did to deserve all this.

"Yes taichou?"

"Stop lying." The words were shot at him coldly.

Renji's expression shifted, "I'm telling ya. She's fine."

Byakuya's face hardened and his lips pressed into a thin line.

"Where is she?"

Renji didn't reply.

There was a pause before Byakuya turned and brushed past him. Renji closed his eyes, his mind turning.

Byakuya could just catch a draft of Rukia's faint spiritual power in the distance; he calculated how many Heavenly Steps it would take for him to reach the towers. If his incompetent subordinator refused to answer him, he would just have to see himself.

"Wait." Renji whirled around, "Don't."

Byakuya stood deadly still.

"Don't," he repeated, "just…" Rukia needed time on her own. Renji could see that, no one could help her right now, not her brother, not her captain not even him.

Kuchiki Byakuya disappeared.

Renji breathed out in relief and smiled slightly, he could feel Byakuya's spiritual power on the opposite end of the corridor, away from the tower. Then his smile disappeared as brief as it came.

"_Stop lying."_

Even Byakuya knew.

He wasn't lying to his captain, he was lying to himself.

-------

Rukia tilts her head and looks at the now velvety sky, the stars emerges twinkling and shining. They cover the sky entirely, all smiling and laughing at the world below. Their golden heads sparkle and the moon bathes the heavenly bodies with glistering silver and she thinks that never once has the sky ever been this beautiful.

She looks down.

Rukia stares at her feet and wishes for the rain.

-------

**Went over this so many times and it _still_ isn't how I wanted it –sigh-. There are some tense in this I'm not to sure about, especially in the last paragraph. Also the interaction between Renji and Byakuya seems it bit OOC. Blahhh…**

**Constructive criticism and comments are much appreciated. I don't have a solid plot or paring for this right now, so any suggestions to how the story will go will be considered. Thanks. **

**Edit May 30, 2006: The last section's tenses are now changed and correct. Thank you to O f f beat who corrected it for me. **


	2. Answer

**First Bleach fanfic, feedback would be very much appreciated. Spoilers for whole of SS arc, this chapter also has just a smudge of recent manga spoilers. Be warned. **

**Summary: Renji made a request. Rukia made a decision. Somehow the memories you try the hardest to force down are ones you remember the most. IchiRuki, RenRuki**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.**

--

"_What should I do?"_

_Renji closed his eyes; he did not want to see the expression on Rukia's face. He knew that it was not so much a question that Rukia asked but a declaration, a declaration that she wanted him to confirm. Renji knew what Rukia wanted him to say, he also knew what he wanted himself to say. This wasn't the first time Renji wanted to be selfish, wanted to be ignorant, wanted to hold on to what was precious to him no matter what. _

_But this was the first time he actually had the chance to choose. _

"_Stay," came out of his mouth abruptly. _

--

He heard her before he saw her. Leaning against the wall he listened to the rhythmical sound of her swinging sword, the rush of air as she manipulated the sword to slash, cut and stab at imaginary enemies. He didn't need to see to know that she was dancing with the elegance and ease that only she could manage. There was probably something about the way this girlwoman danced so gracefully to a death tone, but Renji was smart enough to try and not recognize it.

"Oi, Rukia!" He shouted to her and beckoned her over with a nod of his head. "Kira packed you some lunch." He didn't mention it was he who had asked the vice captain to make the bento.

Rukia sheathed her sword quickly and wiped the sweat from her forehead before walking to sit with him on the steps. Her face was only slightly tinged and her breaths were shallow and controlled. Renji examined his childhood friend for a moment before roughly shoving the lunchbox into her lap.

Rukia stared at the bento silently.

"Give him my thanks." She untwisted the handkerchief wrapping and snapped her chopstick deliberately.

"Pah, give it to 'im yourself," Renji snorted back, he too pulling out his own bento and unwrapping it with significantly more enthusiasm. Almost breaking the chopsticks, Renji munched his lunch down eagerly, bits of rice and vegetables flying out of his mouth as he waved his chopsticks at the other shinigami.

"Trhuai eht!" Rukia absentmindedly translated this to "Try it!"; knowing Renji for a couple of decades has that effect on a person. Muttering a quick thanks to the gods, she dipped her chopsticks into the rice and transferred it to her mouth before chewing on the substance delicately. It tasted like rice, with vegetables, nothing especially exiting or delicious. It tasted bland, normal, and standard, exact opposite of the cakes that Inou-

"Hey, how come you're using that old sword?" Renji broke into her thoughts loudly, and Rukia forgot about what she was thinking a second ago.

If she had been paying attention, she would have realized the forced tone in which Renji spoke in. If she was concentrating she would have noticed the expression that had started to creep in her face before he timely interrupted her. But Rukia wasn't paying attention to Renji's voice nor did she acknowledge the nostalgia that had shone in her eyes.

"Oh," she swallowed slowly, "Sode no Shirayuki hasn't fully forgiven me for letting someone else use her." The small shinigami sighed before turning her attention back to her food.

Renji said nothing and tried not to think about the way her eyes gleamed at the words _someone else._

--

"Pardon me taichou, this is Kuchiki Rukia reporting."

"Ahhh…Kuchiki, come in."

The door slid open quietly and the white haired captain looked up from his work to see the top of his sub-coordinator's head, bowed towards him. The black of her hair glistened and Ukitake put down his pen to focus his full attention on Rukia.

"I've completely all instructed exercises. Progress is on schedule, I should be able to take up shinigami duties soon." Rukia glanced up briefly, "Permission to train with Abarai Renji?"

Ukitake nodded, a bit surprised at the question. "No need to be so polite Kuchiki, I'm your captain not your brother," Ukitake joked lightly.

Rukia nodded evenly and excused herself, her clothes rustling silently as she stood up.

"Good night taichou." She slid open the door noiselessly.

"Wait." Rukia turned her head and focused vaguely on a point near Ukitake's left ear.

He let out a sigh. "Rukia," all the cheerfulness was gone from his voice, "I'm…here if you need someone to talk to." Only rarely did her captain call her by her first name.

"I'm fine taichou." She replied airily with a smile. Then the door closed with a soft click and her swift footsteps disappeared into the night air.

The captain stared emptily into the space where she once was and abruptly coughed, spattering his parchments with swirling dark blood.

--

It was after exactly 2 weeks and 3 days since the day Renji first came to offer lunch to Rukia that she asked him to train with her.

Not that he was counting.

Sword loose in his hands as he stood on the other side trying to make his face as blank as hers, Zabimaru in shikai form as he half-heartedly swung it at her. Rukia jumped and dodged the attack with ease, her hands forming a kidou spell.

Their first fight ended with his smothering robes and her disappointed sigh.

"Try and at least pretend you take me seriously," Rukia had said with a voice slightly tinged with something bitter, something old. Renji had choked on his rice before rearranging his features into a deep scowl.

"You should be more grateful I'm taking time off for you!" Renji chortled back. Rukia decided to remain silent.

The next day she didn't ask for him to train with her. The next day he left her lunch on the ground where they used to eat.

--

**AN: Hmmm…updated this at last. I was about to delete the story but when I looked over the reviews I was suddenly motivated to write more. Thanks to all reviewers. Since I don't plan ahead I really don't know how long it's going to take me to get the next part up, but hopefully it'll be faster than this chapter. **

**Hah, I like Renji too much to make this IchiRuki so it's now changed to IchiRuki and RenRuki. Not that it makes much difference, there's not much romance in this anyways. Apologies to anyone who was looking for a love story…**

**Constructive criticism and comments are always appreciated. **


	3. Decide

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.**

**AN: Bloody hell I'm finally done! Writing non-oneshots is just INSANE for me! Even though this is only 3 tiny chapters long. Oh and criticism is always appreciated! Helps me improve! I am SURE there are grammatical mistakes in this chapter, the tenses just kept on coming out wrong. Plus I lost the plot halfway through so sorry if doesn't make sense! But whatever I'm just happy I finished it! I hope you can all understand Rukia's decision. Will probably edit sometime…if ever…**

**Thank you to everyone who supported me, reviews really kept/keep me going! D**

**Look out for a ton of new one-shots sometime in the near future!**

--

_She nodded. But did not answer. _

--

"Abarai! Watcha doing?"

Renji pushed up from his slouch against the wall and looked up. "Ikkaku." Behind him, there were sounds of fighting and panting.

Ikkaku sniffed the air carefully, and then broke into a grin. "Ahhh waiting for your little girlfriend eh?"

Renji's scowl darkened, "Mind your own business baldie. I was just going."

"Then what do you say to a drink or two?"

To both their surprise, he agreed.

--

"Ouch," Ikkaku waved his cup around, "that looks painful."

When Renji didn't reply, Ikkaku clarified, "Love that is." He grinned viciously, "Glad I've never been involved in that kinda mushy crap."

Renji stared silently into his cup. "She's changed; she's changed so goddamn much this time, when she's- I mean I've never seen her so-"

"- happy?" Ikkaku turned now, all joking aside. Renji looked up suddenly, startled.

"What do you want Abarai?"

_Friendmemorycomradeclassmatefamilygoaldesirelustlove_

_Rukia_

He looked back down.

"I don't know."

--

Rukia sat down and unpacked her lunch meticulously. Leaning back she chewed her rice slowly and thoughtfully.

On the other side of the wall Renji slacked his shoulders and finished the last grain of his own meal. He didn't bother to hide his reiratsu carefully.

"Say," Rukia began. There was a small hole in the wall.

Renji lazily stretched out and cracked some bones.

"Never mind," Rukia muttered to herself and prepared to get up. An object suddenly fell and bounced off her head painfully.

Footsteps sounded slowly away.

It was a juice box.

--

_Stay._

The word rolled around in Rukia's brain languidly.

_staystaystaystaystaywithme_

Rukia wondered if she was reading too much into this. But if there was one person that knew Renji better than himself, it was her. Contrary to belief, she was not all that self-sacrificial, sure she tried to be, but in the end her own emotions usually shone through. However this time there was a lot more at stake than just her.

_Stay…_

It would be so easy, to give in, to let go. Something suddenly snapped, it was the crayon she had been holding. Rukia stared at it blankly, then stood up abruptly and swept out of the room.

--

They met on the hilltops again on the right day.

It was nostalgic and wearying at the same time.

She placed flowers beside the markers and kneeled down in front of the stone tabs. Her lips moved silently as she whispered-

_a greeting, a memory, a story, a prayer, a song…_

Renji did not say anything. Twenty minutes later his bones quiver and his teeth shatter from the cold chill that raked through the hilltop. It was time.

_**Do you remember…**_

"Ya coming?" He spoke to her back.

_**Us?**_

"No," her voice soft but sure, "I think I'll stay for a bit longer."

…_a farewell. _

--

"You were gonna leave without even telling me? Bitch."

Rukia froze in her step and sagged her shoulders suddenly.

"I-I," there was a tremor in her voice, "I, I couldn't-no- I didn't want to hurt-"

Renji clenched his teeth, "Go."

She whirled around, a question in the wide eyes.

"I'm right behind ya," he jerked his head.

Bewilderment. Confusion. Understanding. Rukia nodded and stepped through the gate.

Renji gave himself one last moment to memorize the shape of her back before it was swallowed in darkness. She didn't look back.

_Perhaps this is as good as it gets. _He clewed on his cheeks, _perhaps…_

And followed her into the darkness.

.

.

.

_A lifetime later_

_Ichigo's eyes widened._

_Rukia's lips curved._

_Renji's heart clenched_

_and _

_released. _


End file.
